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I cannot believe that it's 20 years!!!! 20 years and a few days since I last spoke to you.... 20 years and about a month since I last saw you....
and had I known that would have been the last time I would speak to you, I would have tried to make that one last conversation more meaningful.... I would have said goodbye.... I would have said take care of yourself.... I would have said I'll miss you more than I could ever have thought possible.... I would have told you not to fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately you didn't miss your flight.... unfortunately that flight became the last flight you would ever take... you didn't even make it to your holiday destination.... there were people out there, evil people, who made sure you wouldn't.... and why? I have no idea.... I have no idea why anyone would want to cause so much pain to so many people.... why anyone would think nothing of murdering 270 innocent people.
We were glued to the news from the moment it happened.... we waited for news.... we waited for good news... we hoped, we prayed.... but eventually the news announced that there were no survivors....and we still continued to watch.... and we still continued to pray.... and we still continued to hope.... that they had made a mistake.... that you did survive... that you were the lucky one.... then confirmation came.... and your casket covered in a black sheet arrived at your parents' home in London... it was a box.... I was hoping this was an elaborate prank on your behalf and you would pop out from around the corner any minute now.... but when they lifted that box and I saw the effort those people used to do so, I understood that you were inside that box.... the heavens were crying.... grown men were crying.... your friends, your family.... everyone... and all I could see was the image of the carcass of your airplane.... that image is now imprinted in my psyche forever... I hate that image!!!!!!!!!!!
So I found these old pictures of us when we were really little and I keep the one of me kissing your cheek on my cork board next to the computer, so I can see it everyday and try to delete those horrific images from my mind.... this one below, I keep it on a wall in my living room... the pictures are fading.... the memories are fading.... the pain remains.....
Marc A. Tager (1966-1988) with former P.M. Yitzhac Shamir
So much has happened in the last 20 years... some of it is just a blur.... I wonder if you know.... I named my son after you.... I hope he grows up to be half the man you were....
your smile... your warmth, your compassion, your generosity, your joie de vivre, your friendship, your jokes and yes, even your pranks, are the things I miss the most.... you were definitely too good for this world... and I really hope you are in a better place, otherwise nothing makes sense....
my dearest Marc.... my dearest cousin, you are and you will always be in our hearts, thoughts and minds.... but what you are and will always be the most is missed.
With all my love,
Triz xxxx
